Me love you long time juicy bum...

I was only in Thailand, land of smiles, one hour before I realised that I had been bitten on the bottom.

Honestly, I am the mosquito's equivalent of a tasty banquet, they cant resist me and the first chunk they took was from my right bottom cheek which has now swollen out of proportion.  

What a bloody welcome! 
If only they had bitten the other side!
This was closely followed by several long ankle snacks and a couple of knee nibbles. 
I didn't think, as i lay strewn across some metal seats next to the endless talking elevator at Bangkok airport that I would have to be applying Deet.  I was too bloody uncomfortable and sleep deprived after a 10 hour flight backwards in time to an earlier hour in the evening to a place that is inexplicably hot and damp and full of recorded manufactured messages.

'You have reached the end of the walkway'.  

I thought in my wisdom that getting a hotel for 6 hours, minus the translation, cab drives and the farting around at front desk and then having to actually leave an hour and a half earlier for my next flight … that getting a hotel was a daft idea, a waste of money … and yes, I still believe that.  I also thought that there was something vaguely romantic about spending a night in Bangkok airport on a metal bench. Yeah? That I was metamorphosing into a REAL traveller and it would make me grow as a person, make me richer for the experience. 

Anyway, I spent the first hour of my TIME trying to stuff the few jaded belongings that I have into a too small red travel bag I had bought to carry around Thailand instead of the faithful but cumbersome hard red suitcase.   However, the new super cool squashy bag with wheels turned out not to be a magic tardis of dreams and despite my optimistic naivety, is surprisingly unsurprisingly small.  It is crammed to bursting with tampax, bite cream, disposable contact lenses and immodium ready for my romantic and classy holiday in the armpit of English tourism.  Joy.

I invested in an insect bite ZAPPER! 
Its small, green  and plastic and you electrocute yourself with it, but not other tourists. 
Its meant to stop bites from itching. 
Yeah Right! 
So you can imagine the scene…. me trying to locate the source of the swelling and having to electrocute my own derrier in the toilets of bangkok airport, which are manned every second by an overenthusiastic and efficient cleaner.  You need only drop a drip of water and she is wiping up around you. 

To be honest, when I first arrived here in Koh Samui, after surviving my night of 'The walkway ends here' I felt low and lonely, wishing I still had traveling companions and friends to giggle with at the mundane.  I arrived at the hotel/lodgings in Koh Samui with a handful of large Aussies and another handful of tattooed Brits at 7am in the morning and it was absolutely peeing down, we are talking serious amounts of rain.  The sky was black and the air is thick.  It peed down in NZ, it peed down in Sydney and less surprisingly its peeing down in Thailand as it is still monsoon season.  I knew it probably would, I kinda hoped that it wouldn't but it is.  Anyway, it wasn't really that that depressed me, its just the place is so developed and there is so much rubbish about, sadly the affects of tourism and consumerism and lack of awareness? I don't know…. behind the scenes, if you walk to one side of the bamboo partitions and along the beach a bit there is a lot of mess and a chaotic landscape. Just like I found in India two years ago.  I am here as a tourist but I arrive here knowing that I will respect and care for the environment as I would at home but a huge cloud of mess has been here before me… the tourism monster.    

As planned for ages, I have come here to do a yoga retreat for a week in the warmth. My ticket stopped here, and I thought what the hell, I cannot handle another winter, three in a row, no way hozay.  As I have mentioned before, embroidery has had a huge effect on my body and my posture and yoga is the only way that I can maintain a healthy and pain free daily life.   Its great, I love it and back at home I established a regular and rewarding practice. Yeah man.  Now, I am nervous as I haven't bent much at all in the last 5 months travelling, probably at most 10 classes here and there, I am a few pounds heavier from all the NZ cake and wine and I get out of breath... brushing my teeth.  So its gonna be a steep curve to rid of some curveless curves. Mysteriously, all I want is a glass of vodka and a fag at the moment.... ?

I am not feeling in love with Thailand just yet, it is still raining and I need to find my feet and acclimatise.  I have always wanted to do something like this for a long while and now here I am in the land of happy bites on the bottom and the retreat starts in 3 days.  I am meeting my parents in 10 days, feeling calm and spiritual….. :) floating around in a sarong with plaits in my hair, a henna tattoo on my foot, friendship bracelets of love and hippy happiness adorning every spare inch of my arms and more tie dye than you can shake a stick at.

Anyway... I checked in to my room, walked down the road to my first thai style restaurant and ordered Spicy lemon grass and prawn soup to see if its as good as mine.  The large white lady on the table next to me ordered Burger and chips.
The SOUP warmed my cockles, made my lips tingle with chilli and chased the blues down the road.
IT CURES EVERYTHING and it was deeeelicious.  I had a CHANG beer and popped up my efficient complimentary umbrella and walked home for an early night with my resident Gecco, Geoffrey . 
Not forgetting the generous dollop of bite cream and some electric shock treatment.  

Goodnight from the land of smiles.

Lou Fung Too  and the Happy Prawns.